Dealing with Rejection

Addiction Work

ARP Step 3 “Helaman 3:35 – They did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God.”

” How can fasting strengthen your ability to yield your heart to God and abstain from addiction?”  Fasting definitely increases my humility as I come up against the wall of my own physical strength and desires.  In less than 24 hours without food or water, I become shaky, fragile, and a bit obsessed with food.

God has given me a lot of power when I fast, extra strength to overcome challenges or gain strength in an area of weakness.  This would apply again to fasting specifically for help to be able to better yield my heart to God and abstain from codependent behavior.

Next Fast Sunday I am going to specifically ask for help to become more submissive to the will of God and for help to overcome my codependent behavior.

Codependence Work

Triggers are some kind of stimulation that creates a response.  Yesterday I was triggered when Sofia decided to not participate in Family Zumba at the YMCA.  I struggle with feelings of rejection when she doesn’t participate.

Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie. Chapter 4 ‘Don’t be Blown about by Every Wind’.  “We don’t have to take rejection as a reflection of our self-worth.  If somebody who is important (or even someone unimportant) to you rejects you or your choices,you are still real, and you are still worth every bit as much as you would be if you had not been rejected.  Feel any feelings that go with rejection; talk about your thoughts; but don’t forfeit your self esteem to another’s disapproval or rejection of who you are or what you have done.  Even if the most important person in your world reject you, you are still real, and you are still okay.  If you you have done something inappropriate or you need to solve a problem or change a behavior, then take appropriate steps to take care of yourself.  But don’t reject yourself, and don’t give so much power to other people’s rejection of you.  It isn’t necessary.”

I am terrified of rejection and read anything as a hint of rejection

“We don’t have to take little things personally either.  If someone has a bad day or gets angry, don’t assume it has something to do with you.  It may or may not have something to do with you.  If it does you’ll find out.  Usually things have far less to do with us than we think.”  Codependent No More.

I decided not to react to Sofia not participating in Family Zumba but rather reading her book in the corner of the gym.  I went and had fun and tried to distract myself from her and her gloomy mood.  I don’t know what is really going on with her but it most likely doesn’t have anything to do with me.  She recovered after we got home and she had something to eat and we had family movie night.

“An interruption, someone else’s bad mood, sharp tongue, bad day, negative thoughts, problems, or active [compulsive behavior] does not have to run or ruin our lives, our day, or even an hour of our day.  If people don’t want to be with us or act healthy, it is not a reflection on our self-worth.  It reflects on their present circumstances.  By practicing detachment we can lessen our destructive reaction to the world around us…Who areyou to say that the interruption, mood, word, bad day, thought or problem is not an important and necessary part of life?  Who are you to say that this problem won’t ultimately be beneficial to you or someone else?”

Today I am going to not take other people’s moods or lack of support personally.  I am going to allow them to be responsible for their present circumstances and will take care of myself and be happy.

 

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